In case you missed the newsflash, the Baseball Hall of Fame Veteran’s Committee failed to select Gil Hodges, again. If you read my November blog, or ever saw Gil play in-person, you have some idea of what a travesty the selection process is. It’s unfair to exclude him when there are so many others with less impressive credentials who’ve been admitted to the Hall. But somehow, Gil’s fans and family will survive this unfair oversight, because we know, deep down, what the truth is. Knowing truth about events that are important to us, about our relationships, and most importantly, about ourselves, far outweighs the significance of what others might think.
Self-exploration and self-acceptance are the objectives which comprise the bedrock of a positive self-image and self-esteem. When we’ve achieved those objectives, we are in a good position to achieve almost anything we set our minds to. We’re also most likely to be happy campers. For those of us who enjoyed childhoods marked by secure attachments with parents or parent surrogates, and who were spared the experience of traumatic loss, the self-exploration path towards self-acceptance and positive self-esteem usually proceeds without major complication, through the turbulent adolescent years into early adulthood. Conversely, the process can be much more challenging for those who were not dealt such a fortunate hand. It’s not fair when an infant, toddler or young child is forced to traverse the formative years in the absence of a secure attachment to one or both biological parents. Traumatic loss can come in many forms: The death of a parent; abandonment by a parent; parental neglect due to mental illness, substance abuse or other condition; contentious divorce. Regardless of the reason, actual or psychological loss of a parent, particularly during the formative years from birth through six years, leaves a gaping hole in the child’s search for a complete, balanced self-identity. In order to know who I am, I need to know how I came to be, and how I am connected to my family of origin, and to my culture. The young child gradually establishes an individuated, self-identity through the process of internalizing much of the messages about him received from his caregivers. When the messages are incomplete, the development of a sense of self is incomplete. When the child is left to wonder why one or both parents weren’t available to him, or why one or both parents seemed to be uncaring, he is unable to complete the crucial process of self-exploration and self-acceptance.
In my work with children and families who’ve faced the challenges of foster care, adoption, and/or contested divorce, I found it helpful to utilize the construct, Psychological Permanence, to operationalize the meaning of having a comprehensive, balanced appreciation of oneself in the context of his historical connection to both parents, as well as to parental surrogates.The following attachment is an unpublished article that was written a number of years ago in an effort to elaborate on the construct of Psychological Permanence as it applies to adopted children. In my professional estimation, the construct can be equally useful when applied to children in long-term foster care, as well as to children living in significantly dysfunctional families. Children who find themselves in the middle of highly contentious divorce wars, and who are often subjected to the alienating behaviors of one or both parents, are also at great risk of being deprived of a sense of Psychological Permanence. Although life has been unfair in some ways to such children, hope is available as long as they are supported in their search for truth about who they are, and shielded from unhelpful, often toxic information concerning family members within family of origin, or surrogate families. In subsequent blogs, I will share the findings of a pilot study in which a special Psychological Permanence assessment tool was applied. In the meantime, I am hopeful that we can embark on a dialogue about how to expand on applications of this construct.
Self-exploration and self-acceptance are the objectives which comprise the bedrock of a positive self-image and self-esteem. When we’ve achieved those objectives, we are in a good position to achieve almost anything we set our minds to. We’re also most likely to be happy campers. For those of us who enjoyed childhoods marked by secure attachments with parents or parent surrogates, and who were spared the experience of traumatic loss, the self-exploration path towards self-acceptance and positive self-esteem usually proceeds without major complication, through the turbulent adolescent years into early adulthood. Conversely, the process can be much more challenging for those who were not dealt such a fortunate hand. It’s not fair when an infant, toddler or young child is forced to traverse the formative years in the absence of a secure attachment to one or both biological parents. Traumatic loss can come in many forms: The death of a parent; abandonment by a parent; parental neglect due to mental illness, substance abuse or other condition; contentious divorce. Regardless of the reason, actual or psychological loss of a parent, particularly during the formative years from birth through six years, leaves a gaping hole in the child’s search for a complete, balanced self-identity. In order to know who I am, I need to know how I came to be, and how I am connected to my family of origin, and to my culture. The young child gradually establishes an individuated, self-identity through the process of internalizing much of the messages about him received from his caregivers. When the messages are incomplete, the development of a sense of self is incomplete. When the child is left to wonder why one or both parents weren’t available to him, or why one or both parents seemed to be uncaring, he is unable to complete the crucial process of self-exploration and self-acceptance.
In my work with children and families who’ve faced the challenges of foster care, adoption, and/or contested divorce, I found it helpful to utilize the construct, Psychological Permanence, to operationalize the meaning of having a comprehensive, balanced appreciation of oneself in the context of his historical connection to both parents, as well as to parental surrogates.The following attachment is an unpublished article that was written a number of years ago in an effort to elaborate on the construct of Psychological Permanence as it applies to adopted children. In my professional estimation, the construct can be equally useful when applied to children in long-term foster care, as well as to children living in significantly dysfunctional families. Children who find themselves in the middle of highly contentious divorce wars, and who are often subjected to the alienating behaviors of one or both parents, are also at great risk of being deprived of a sense of Psychological Permanence. Although life has been unfair in some ways to such children, hope is available as long as they are supported in their search for truth about who they are, and shielded from unhelpful, often toxic information concerning family members within family of origin, or surrogate families. In subsequent blogs, I will share the findings of a pilot study in which a special Psychological Permanence assessment tool was applied. In the meantime, I am hopeful that we can embark on a dialogue about how to expand on applications of this construct.
| open_adoption_and_the_quest_for_psychological_permanence_-_12.20.14.pdf |
Dedicated to my mother, Lillian K. Gries, on this the 109th anniversary of her birth.
Leonard T. Gries, Ph.D.
December 12, 2014
Leonard T. Gries, Ph.D.
December 12, 2014
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